The Hard Truth That Set Me Free: Leaving Behind a Broken System

The more I step into who I am becoming, the less I care about what others are doing around me. You see, I’ve spent most of my adult life (heck, probably my entire life) trying to figure out the best, right way to do things. I watched those older than me or more experienced in their lives and careers navigate the world and found a model of what I was supposed to do when I “grew up”.

I was meant to go to college, graduate, find a job I loved making lots of money, work my way up, find a life partner, consider starting a family, buy a house, etc. etc. We all know the story. Career, marriage, white picket fence.

And the more immersed I was in the world of leadership and organizational development, the more I saw the model reinforced. Sure the flavors of it changed with the setting, but overall this was the model that was meant to sustain me throughout my life.

I entered the model - working first in advertising, then non-profit, then leadership development - always with a dream and my heart on my sleeve. The only problem was that I was deeply unhappy. I didn’t fit into the construct. Lucky for me, I didn’t (always) assume that I was the problem. Though I felt truly powerless to change the system.

That didn’t stop me from trying, though. I set out in my business to change the way business is run. And found my peers who were in on the fight with me. People who didn’t like how business was run and wanted to create another option - a space where PEOPLE came first. Only, my idealism shielded me from the reality that while people wanted to buy into that vision, they did not truly believe it was possible - and therefore stopped short of actually trying to create it. It was, in short, a nice ideal to sell, but not one to actually implement.

One leadership consultancy after another proved to me that their words didn’t match their intentions. They didn’t really care about creating a more fulfilling, happy environment where people could actually passionately love their work. They cared about selling a “new model” of leadership or organizations that would turn heads and make people say, “Wow! That sounds different. How can we have more of that?” While actually selling them the exact same models of leadership and business that had been sold for 50 years prior.

They wanted to improve their bottom lines, increase their numbers, and pretend like their work was having the impact they sold into their clients. Only it wasn’t.

And while I took part in presenting these programs to businesses, I felt my soul leaving my body. I knew it wasn’t helping. I knew the promise didn’t match the delivery. And a part of me knew that the work I was putting into the hands of leaders and exec teams couldn’t possibly solve the actual, bigger problems they were facing.

I remember one program in particular I delivered on behalf of a client that was so loaded full of content that it couldn’t possibly reach its target audience. Forget about whether or not I agreed with the content that was in the program, it was simply too much information. I remember having to read a script just to get through it all - pushing my own gift of facilitation and guiding people to deeper levels of awareness and knowing to the side.

I watched the faces of the participants who had taken time out of their busy and stressful lives to be there, wishing and hoping for a better way forward, struggling to grasp the concepts - knowing with resignation in my heart that there was no way they could fully implement or integrate this knowledge in a way that would create meaningful change.

I wish I could say this happened only once. But that would be a lie. I had become a part of the system. I was playing my part in helping people feel helpless - like things can’t (and won’t) really change.

The message was clear: organizations didn't really want to help people grow in a meaningful way. They wanted to earn a good return with minimum friction in the process. And they wanted to spend superfluous dollars (or euros or pounds) on “people development” or “learning and development” without actually giving the leaders in those fields the resources they would need to create true and lasting change.

They didn’t really want change. It was simply en vogue to say they did.

And I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore.

While this journey has revealed some hard truths about the state of leadership development, I am choosing to move forward with hope. I know there are leaders out there who feel the same disconnect I did and are committed to doing the real work required for change. Leaders and business owners who know the old system is broken and want to do it differently. I now focus my genius on those I can really, truly help - and trust that my work in the world will be enough to create lasting impact at scale.

This gives me hope that the trajectory of business and leadership can shift away from harm and toward healing. That we can create spaces of belonging where our full, authentic selves are welcomed and safe. My frustration with past failed efforts has opened the door to more meaningful work aligned with my spirit. And I know now that where love and light are present, transformation follows.

What Hard Truths Could Set You Free?

With love,

Amanda
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