Who am I, Really?

This is a question I’ve started asking myself recently.

And then the ever popular follow up, “Who am I really?”

One of my core values is around learning and growth. I believe that a fulfilling life is one that keeps us evolving and growing. And while it’s a core belief of mine, it can still be daunting to realize that I have, finally, found my comfort zone and that, “oh no!” it’s time for that next big stretch.

I don’t mean to imply that you can never just achieve a level of comfort and satisfaction and must continuously search and seek and work harder to reach your next best level. Believe me, I have been trying that my whole life! And it can become a hamster wheel of exhaustion and self-doubt.

What I am saying is that continuous learning means just that – there are always new things to learn, new ideas to explore, new creations to engage with – and in the process of curiosity and hunger to expand, there is very little time spent in a comfort zone – theoretical or otherwise.

I’ve found myself at a crossroads in my business and work. The people I’ve served since I began my business 5 years ago are different than those I serve today. I began my business supporting leaders and organizations to put people at the center focus of work, and while it’s a mission I’m still passionate about, my work has evolved beyond professional structures.

I now focus on the human at the center. The whole human. The multi-faceted, complex, emotional, human. And my role as a coach has shifted from empowering leaders and helping them upskill to truly embracing a life of purpose and meaning – to uncovering the depth of who someone is and what it is they are here on this planet to do.

My own journey to this question has not been simple. It hasn’t been easy either. It has been complicated and overwhelming at times, exhilarating and fulfilling at others. I have gone from creating a business to prove something (to myself and the world) to realizing that my fundamental purpose is helping people shake off the numbness of everyday life and to awaken to the infinite possibilities that surround them. I am so damned tired of seeing truly incredible people living a mere shadow of the life that’s possible for them, out of fear of what others will think or of making a mistake, or the uncertainty of WHERE and HOW to begin.

It's scary to say that out loud. It scares me to share so openly with the world. And yet, I know that my power is in helping people to truly and fully embrace who they are and what they love. This is my attempt to role model what I preach.

I have been on a spiritual journey the last five years. It all began when I came to my knees while living in Berlin, leaving one job that broke my heart and finding myself in another business that nearly broke my spirit. I had to get out – there was no option anymore. It was for my survival.

I left Berlin. I got on a plane and flew to Singapore and landed in the Co-Active training room to figure out how to hack it as a coach. The training helped me to realize that I had always been a coach. It’s a gift that comes naturally to me. I have an innate desire to empower people – to help them see what is truly possible for them and to strip away, layer by layer, all of the fears and doubts and uncertainties that stand in the way of them reaching their greatest potential.

I didn’t have the words for it then, but a lightbulb went off in that room. I began to see all of the ways I had been holding myself back. All of the stories and fears and worries that had kept me living a shadow of the life I truly desired to live.

The training completed after 6 weeks and I ventured on to Seoul, Shanghai and eventually Bangkok. In Bangkok I met Emma, my Reiki teacher – only I didn’t call her that then. She was just Emma, the magical, mystical creature who was able to bring forth even greater meaning and purpose in my life.

“I am a healer” I realized with awe and fear. What did it mean to heal? What did it mean to be a healer? These are big questions. They circulate around the original, “Who am I?” Which eventually leads you down the rabbit hole of, “Why am I here?” “What am I meant to be doing with my life?” and the better known, “What is my purpose?”

These are the questions that anyone on a personal growth journey asks themselves over and over again. The same ones my clients come to me asking, whether they use these words, or choose another version of them.

As I started navigating my spiritual pathway, more questions seemed to arise. The more I explored, the less I knew. The confidence and expertise I had been building as a professional in my craft – as an expert in leadership, a fantastic facilitator, a brilliant learning designer, and an expert on Paraguay – of all things – suddenly slid to the background. It hid in the shadows.

I moved from being an expert to being a beginner. I felt vulnerable, scared, like an imposter. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like there was something big I was missing – something everyone else had figured out, except for me.

I fumbled my way through. I got my first paying clients. I tried things out. I stumbled. I felt afraid then confident. I celebrated and I cried.

The journey has not stopped. I find myself five years into my journey of becoming myself. I have continued to learn and grow. I’ve worked with world class coaches, I’ve certified in countless coaching bodies and psychometric tools, I trained as a Reiki Master, I’ve studied psychic mediumship, and I’m studying shamanism. I continue to read, practice, and reflect. I continue to try new things and see how they feel. And often, they feel terrifying.

I am still scared. I still feel like the beginner and most of the time I still feel like a fraud. Every time I do something new I am brought back to ground zero and begin the cycle of questions all over again, “Who am I?” “Who am I really?”

PLUS, whenever you're ready – here are 3 more ways you can get the support you need to transform your life and increase your impact today:

1. Work with me 1:1 to get unmatched support as you work towards your next big shift. I will be your thinking partner, your coach, and your confidant. 2 slots are opening up in Q2 - Apply for Elevate today!​
2. Read my recent interview with Canvas Rebel about how my business has shifted over the years from the corporate leadership space to truly transformational work.
3. Join the T7M (Transform) Waitlist. Engage in high level masterminding and group coaching with a peer group of inspiring leaders and creative entrepreneurs who will expand your horizons & challenge your thinking.