Sometimes the Thing We're Desperately Seeking is Right There, Waiting for Us to Stop Grasping for It
I'm just back home from a wild and expansive two-week trip through America's Southwest. If you conjure images of cowboys and Indians, you'd be right. But you'd also be remiss not to notice the red rock mountains filled with energetic lore, the vast, sweeping landscapes of desert that engulf the land before you ever hit the next town, and Route 66 celebrations I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't seen it up close for myself.
The Southwest is rich with history, short-lived though it may be, but the real eye opener was the incredible, sweeping landscapes I met at every step of my journey.
Sedona was a true highlight – with towering red mountains stretching up to greet the sky as far as the eye can see. And the Grand Canyon, which I hadn't truly believed would be all that groundbreaking until I pulled up to the crater's edge and peered over the top and nearly lost my breath. I don't know if I've ever seen such majesty in abundance before.
Remarkable is too small of a word for what I felt throughout my travels, and for each new expanse that greeted me. I was awe-struck.
But the real revelation came during the last few days of my travels at Buffalo Spirit Ranch in the stunning Sangre de Cristo Mountains foothills just outside of Santa Fe. My coach, ever the clever and wise man, organized a soul-awakening experience for his clients in which we got to spend time in the arena with the wild and majestic horses on the ranch, led by the head mare Artemis.
The Perfect Mirror
The horses, eager to interact and show us parts of ourselves we hadn't truly seen before, greeted us, each in their own way. Some kept their distance at the back of the arena, some wandered forward to see who we were and what we were about. While others clumped together in a little troop moving throughout the area side by side, slowly making their way towards us.
As I learned just 1.5 years ago on my last experience at this ranch, horses have the uncanny ability to always mirror back to us whatever we might be experiencing or feeling within. And the most remarkable part of it is that we may not even realize what we really feel until we're standing there, in front of a 1000-pound animal who is demonstrating our behavior right back to us.
They are our perfect mirror. They always show us the truth. They do not lie.
If you say you want one thing but really want the opposite, the horse will keep their distance – receiving your inner incongruence as a threat, or at the very least a bother.
Want to receive something specific from the horse – a nudge or acknowledgement of some form – but your energy screams "PICK ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!" You are almost guaranteed to turn the horse away, for they have no need for that in their lives.
The magical thing about being in the arena with these horses, especially with a skillful coach by your side, is that behaviors or beliefs that you didn't even realize you had, or perhaps you had but could never really figure them out before, seem to lift right up to the surface to be seen, experienced, and integrated.
When Expectations Meet Reality
My experiences, both last year and this year, showed me such different sides of myself and where I had been out of alignment with what I said I wanted. Focusing on this year for the moment, whatever intention I had when entering the arena quickly slipped out of my mind as I desperately wanted the horses to come closer to me.
As a self-proclaimed animal lover (admittedly, it only takes about 10 minutes of conversation with me to recognize this attribute yourself) I expect animals to come to me. And usually they do. Cats, dogs, birds, you name it. So when I enter an arena with a multitude of horses, I expect they'll do the same.
Only this time, they didn't.
I reminded myself to exercise patience as the horses took their time to adjust to the new energy in the arena (we were a group of 4, after all), and slowly walked around saying a silent hello to each horse, wondering who would be the first to approach me.
But none of them did.
And as I felt that yearning to connect grow, I decided to hedge my bets by walking to the back of the arena where the two donkeys were hanging out, eating grass. Last year, these two donkeys had come quickly to my side and encircled me when I felt intimidated by one of the larger horses, Merlin, in the arena and I still felt grateful for their presence. They responded as I hoped they would, Stella inching forward towards me, pushing her nuzzle into my chest in acknowledgement. I scratched her cheeks and behind her ears, thanking her for the chance to pet her, and watched her promptly walk away, headed straight into the center of the arena towards my fellow retreat participants.
I recognized that she had given me what I wanted, but she, too, felt my insistence on being seen and acknowledged. I was seeking validation from these majestic creatures. Asking them to see me, to love me, to show me affection.
The Voice From Within
That's when something shifted inside me. A quiet voice from within whispered that I didn't need anything from them – not their attention, not their validation, not their affection. I knew the truth of it immediately, the way you know something in your bones. So I listened to that inner knowing.
I was content to just be in their midst without trying to gain anything or manipulate a result that wasn't happening naturally. I admitted I didn't need or want anything from them. I let go of my agenda and expectations and sat down in the middle of the arena – watching the horses move about, saying hello to my friends, and enjoying a peaceful morning on the ranch.
Not sooner than I dropped my agenda and sat down, did the horses start coming over to me to say hello. As I no longer needed or wanted anything from them, releasing that needy energy that demanded a reply, they could feel a person at ease and feel called to engage.
It was Brio who reached me first, standing over me in greeting as I got to my feet. Then Merlin.
The entire energy shifted when I dropped my agenda and let what wanted to be, be.
I felt myself relax, joyful at the connection, happy that by shifting my energy from within I was able to communicate a different kind of openness and calm that was out of mind when I was determined to achieve something.
I felt at ease and so did the horses.
The Deeper Truth
This is a lesson which seems so simple on the outside, something you could communicate as simply as "neediness is unattractive" or "let go of your agenda to get what you want" – that would sound great, I would agree with you and might have even said those very words myself.
But the truth of it goes much deeper, and the visceral understanding – the felt knowing that comes when you have an experience where you deeply ingrain that knowing within your being is quite something else. That experience lives within me now. That lesson creeps into my daily life, showing me other areas where I was holding on to my agenda too tightly, where I was needing or demanding something from others that they were certainly not inclined to give with the energy I was bringing towards them.
Now I know the impact of shifting that belief and that behavior. And I can't unknow it. Nor would I want to.
The horses taught me to not only listen to what is really going on inside of me, but to trust myself enough that I don't need to push an agenda to see the impact I want. They taught me that sometimes letting go of any agenda at all is the best way to see what unfolds, and to trust that the result will be more beautiful than I could have planned myself.
I listened to that knowing that comes from within, the one that was telling me I didn't need anything in that moment. That there was nowhere I needed to get to. No outcome I had to reach. The moment I stilled my mind enough to truly hear that wisdom come through, I could change what I was doing and see a result – in the form of a lesson – that I won't soon forget.
Your Own Inner Wisdom
That quiet voice that told me I didn't need anything? That's your inner wisdom speaking. We all have it – that deep knowing that cuts through the noise of our wanting and striving to show us what's true. But in our busy, agenda-driven lives, we rarely slow down enough to hear it, let alone trust it enough to act on it.
The horses showed me something profound about the difference between seeking and allowing, between grasping and receiving. They demonstrated that the very thing we desperately want often comes to us naturally when we stop chasing it so hard.
This isn't just true with horses. It's true in our relationships, our careers, our creative endeavors, and our spiritual growth. When we can get still enough to hear that voice within – the one that knows what we truly need versus what we think we want – everything shifts.
The magic isn't in the wanting or the trying or the pushing. The magic is in the listening, the trusting, and the allowing. It's in that moment when you realize you don't need to grasp so tightly because what's meant for you will find its way to you when you're ready to receive it.
Sometimes the thing we're desperately seeking really is right there, waiting for us to stop grasping long enough to let it come.
If you'd like to learn to hear the voice of your own inner knowing, Inner Wisdom Quest kicks off October 21st. Early Bird Pricing (with a savings of £200) ends October 5th - learn more.
If you're ready to access your inner knowing, here are four ways I can support you:
#1: Book your 1:1 Wisdom Session - 60-min intuitive session to access your inner wisdom & guidance.
#2: Sign Up for Inner Wisdom Quest - 6-week intuition training kicking off October 21st!
#3: Listen to Episode #45 of Don't Step on the Bluebells - From Skeptic to Believer: A Guide to Conscious Manifestation.
#4: Download the Guided Journey to Clarity & Inner Knowing! This free, guided meditation will help you connect with your inner wisdom today.