I was only hiding from myself
A few years back, I was building my business, feeling overwhelmed and lost, wondering why things weren't working out how I thought they would - while simultaneously experiencing a spiritual awakening.
It shook me to my core. Everything I knew about myself and the world evaporated overnight, and I couldn't find my grounding again. I kept trying to grow, scale, and leap into my next version - but I didn't yet have the words for what I was experiencing.
My business was doing well. I had tons of leadership development work and coaching clients coming through - but all of it felt superficial and disconnected. Once I started to awaken to the bigger mysteries in life, I couldn't pretend anymore. I couldn't pay lip service to corporations about their leadership aspirations and call it "impact" when what we were really doing was checking boxes and fulfilling quotas.
I wanted to make a real difference. To help people truly step into their leadership. To help companies lead with heart. To foster organizations who genuinely cared about their people and their impact in the world.
But the deeper I got into my work, the more I realized that most people didn't care that deeply. Even those who genuinely wanted change weren't prepared to fight the entire system to make it happen.
I knew that staying in that space would crush my spirit.
So I burned it down. I exited all of my corporate partnerships and handed over businesses I'd been developing for over a year. It was a point of no return. I was done with leadership development - I would focus instead on the people who truly wanted to transform their lives. People who were self-selecting, high agency, ready to opt in to change.
Seemingly overnight, my identity shifted. I couldn't quite locate myself. I stood on the periphery of change for so long that when it finally came, I didn't know how to ground into the new reality.
And here's what made it so much harder: I was terrified to show up fully as myself.
I was moving from the very respectable, corporate-friendly world of leadership development into the cracking-wide-open space of personal transformation - and I was scared of being judged. I wasn't quite a life coach, not quite a spiritual mentor, not quite a leadership advisor. I was something in between, still becoming.
I was walking further along my spiritual path, becoming more and more of the healer I always was - and still so afraid of being truly seen for it. I spent months, years even, trying to stay on the surface. Hiring coaches, taking courses, reading books. Feeding my intellect while avoiding the actual integration. I had no idea how to bring all of it into my real life, into my business.
Because that would require a level of courage I wasn't sure I had. Courage to fully own my gifts as a psychic, healer, shamanic practitioner, oracle, and spiritual guide. I wanted to stay safely tucked away in the closet.
After walking that excruciating line for what felt like forever, I finally realized I had a choice to make. I couldn't bear the separation anymore - who I was being on the outside versus who I knew I really was on the inside. I could stay in hiding and continue to feel the paralysis, the overthinking, the self-doubt, continually giving my power away to anyone who told me they had the answers - or I could step out of the spiritual closet and fully own who I was.
With equal parts courage and fear - I stepped out. And I never looked back.
I began sharing my spiritual gifts with clients openly. Guiding them through shamanic journeys, ceremonies, and rituals. I opened my calendar to the public for Oracle Readings (and 40 people signed up!) I started sharing my spiritual path on my podcast and putting my story out on LinkedIn: the real, messy middle of a spiritual awakening.
I was terrified of being judged. But mostly, I was afraid of being truly seen - and afraid people might not like what they saw.
The response that came back was a mix of "finally" and "what took you so long?"
It turned out the inner dialogue that had been holding me back for so long was only ever on the inside. My essence - the truth of who I really am - was always visible to those around me. I was never really hiding from them.
I was only hiding from myself.
If you find yourself navigating a similar journey - in the middle of it right now, probably thinking it should be moving faster, probably wondering what's wrong with you - know that there is nothing wrong with you. It took me years to move through this.
And if you know it's time to grow beyond your current path - to stop leveling out your success by doing work you no longer love - this is exactly the journey we'll be navigating inside the Inner Authority Lab. If you know you're ready, I'd love for you to join the waitlist.
I am rooting for you always,
Amanda
PLUS: Ready to take the next step? Here are four ways we can go deeper together:
→ Listen to the latest episode of Don't Step on the Bluebells - Why Conviction Beats Willpower Every Time
→ Book a 60-Min Oracle Reading to shift your energy in the right direction.
→ Join the Waitlist for the Inner Authority Lab!
→ Apply to work with me one-on-one — Transformational Coaching, Healing, Spiritual Mentorship