The Limbo of Tentativeness
I remember when I first started to realize that most of the successful entrepreneurs and business people I knew were spiritual. Because spirituality was so far from my typical operating realm, it had never even occurred to me that the people I admired might believe in something greater than themselves.
I remember watching interviews with people like Marie Forleo and Tony Robbins and realizing that they followed a daily meditation practice. This revelation shifted something within me. It was no longer a question of how people grew to fame or success, but simply recognizing the many layers of their success that were not visible from the outside.
Now, I don’t know if either Marie or Tony would call themselves spiritual. I don’t know if they call their belief system God or the Universe or Pachamama… but what I do know is that there is a unifying factor in people who make it big in the world and those who don’t. They believe there are greater workings at play that we cannot see with our human eyes alone.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of “role models” out there who have simply gone for fame and fortune with zero integrity. Yes, it’s possible to be wealthy without having a solid moral compass. But that’s not the kind of success (or life) that I’m interested in.
I am curious how people push themselves to their next level vs. those who don’t. What is it that facilitates someone stepping into something so much greater than themselves, building a business or community that spreads like wildfire. What helps them to trust themselves fully to bring their visions to life.
We all know that doing something we’ve never done before requires us to BE someone we’ve never been before. But what is the difference between a person who actually does that vs. those who simply stay stuck in their old patterns, habits, and stories?
What paves the way forward is the wholeheartedness and conviction with which a person enters into their chosen endeavor. Throughout my life I’ve had moments of absolute certainty that the path I’m on is the right one, and so I move forward unwaveringly and doors just seem to open before me. Even if it’s a seemingly impossible decision (like leaving New York for Paraguay all those years ago) – when I decided to go all in, I never questioned the parts that might have otherwise felt hard. I didn’t wonder why this was so difficult or why I felt scared, I was 100% committed and so I just did what I had to do to get myself there.
There have been, however, just as many moments in my life where I felt tentative, uncertain. Moments where I saw what I wanted, but I didn’t really go all in on it – I was afraid to commit because I was afraid to fail. Or perhaps afraid to succeed. It was in those moments that I questioned myself the most – where uncertainty was at the surface and I allowed myself to get caught up in fear, worry, and doubt. In those moments, rather than facing the doubts with an unwavering knowing that even if it’s hard it will be worth it in the end, I hesitate to make any move, worried that I might not make the “right” move and therefore could fail. It’s those points where I’m not fully committed that I feel the frustrating loop of self-doubt and anxiety. I’m half-in half-out. And it shows up in every area of my life.
That kind of tentativeness is a guaranteed motivation killer. You are literally clipping your own wings if you stay in that space of sort of committed for too long. I believe that deep down we all want to be brave. We want to recognize our dreams and run full steam ahead to reach them. That’s why we crave other peoples’ stories and teachings that show us how and when they did exactly that. But so many of us, myself included, have fallen prey to that sense of being half-in half-out. Like maybe I shouldn’t commit fully because what if it doesn’t work out, or what if I fail?
And so, rather than fully trusting that even if this particular path doesn’t succeed in the way you hope it will, it will certainly lead you to the next important part of your journey, you hold yourself in a kind of limbo.
The limbo of tentativeness.
So what exactly is the difference between someone who is fully committed and someone who is only half-heartedly engaged? Is it a spiritual belief system that anchors them? Is it a shift in mindset of how they see themselves? Is it a commitment to be all in even if they don’t always feel it?
I've noticed that when I'm in that limbo, I'm also disconnected – from myself, from my purpose, from whatever it is that's greater than me. And when I'm fully committed, I feel that connection and flow return.
I am exploring the circumstances around why some of us go all in and some remain feeling stuck for so long. And while there is sure to be plenty of psychological and neuro-scientific research about this very phenomenon, I am putting forward a few of the principles of success that I’ve witnessed, experienced, or supported people to implement.
Principles for Going All In
1. When you decide to do something, commit to go all in. Not just sort of in, but fully in. Bet on yourself. Give yourself no opportunity to turn back and watch what happens. As Clayton Christensen famously said, “It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time.”
2. Working on your mindset is one of the primary factors of success. Your mindset – the beliefs, perspectives, and thought patterns running your life in the background – is the filter through which you see everything. And it can be changed. Just because you don't believe you can achieve your goals today doesn't mean you can't reprogram that belief tomorrow. Inner work is worth doing when you're reaching for a new vision of your life.
3. Developing a morning reflection or meditation practice will help you start your day from a calm state of mind with a relaxed nervous system. Whether you journal, breathe, or chant a mantra is less important than giving yourself the space to practice.
4. Visualization helps you create a mental image of the person you want to become. If you can already see yourself as that future version of you who already has the life you want – and can experience what it feels like to be that person now, you will shortcut the path to get there.
5. The fewer decisions you must make on a daily basis, the better. Most of us don’t even realize that we are burning our decision-making capability from the moment we open our eyes. “Should I shower this morning?” “What do I want to wear?” “Do I want yogurt or eggs for breakfast?” All these micro-decisions add up to what’s known as decision fatigue. Make decisions in advance that will serve you and your higher purpose. Decide to meditate daily and don’t question it. Decide what you eat for breakfast, and don’t decide again. Let your practices and rituals guide your days to more ease and flow. And save your creative capacity for where it actually matters.
6. Your ability to focus deeply depends on how distracted you are on a daily basis. We are living in a highly distracted and distractable society. We are constantly bombarded with information and media grabbing for our attention and it’s often hard to hear our own inner voice above all the noise around us. When you can create an environment where you can go deep, magic happens. You own your own focus and only you can decide when you will / won’t let yourself be distracted.
7. Ask for help. And I don’t just mean when you need it. Also ask for help before you need it. If someone you know (or admire) has achieved something you have been dreaming of, ask them to help you get there, too. This might be a coach, mentor, creator, or a friend. We aren’t meant to create our goals in isolation – we depend on each other to bring things to life, and the sooner you ask for support, the faster you'll reach your goals.
So, what does this have to do with spirituality, you might be wondering. It’s an interesting question I’ve been sitting with a lot lately. What exactly is “spiritual”. Is it a belief in god or the universe? Is it a set of daily practices and beliefs that keep us both grounded and connected to something greater than ourselves? And when is it spiritual vs. mundane practice? I’m starting to see that in my own life there is very little difference between what I call spiritual and just regular daily practice. Is meditation a spiritual practice? Or a grounding practice? Is walking in nature spiritual? Or is it simply enjoying the present moment outdoors?
For so long I tried to differentiate what was spiritual in my life – creating designated spaces and times to “be spiritual” and then just considered that the rest of my life business as usual. It’s only in the last year or two that I realized that there is no true separation. And believe me, I had plenty of spiritual teachers and mentors tell me exactly this in the past, but I never really got it before. I was still trying to perform spirituality, rather than just allow it to be a part of my life.
So when I shared my surprise that the entrepreneurs I admire for their success are all spiritual, this is what I am talking about. They integrate the spiritual into their day-to-day lives. It is not separate from them, but a part of their daily lives and daily practice. They meditate, they exercise, they move and walk in nature and journal. And whether or not they outright claim their spiritual connection or not, I know that that is exactly what it is. The way that they connect to the divine powers of the universe and find their creative flow and path forward with confidence.
Here’s what I’ve come to believe, going all in isn’t just a mindset decision. It’s a daily practice that I choose to show up for. It’s the meditation, the journaling, the walks in nature. These are the small daily acts of showing up fully for yourself – whether you call it a spiritual practice or simply your daily rituals – and when you start to live that way, when the spiritual and the everyday become one and the same, you stop feeling half-in, half-out of your own life.
So I'll leave you with this:
Where in your life are you only half in right now – and what is it costing you to stay there?
With love, always,
Amanda
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